Rwanda Presentation - Church Bulletin Jokes

Two Sundays ago my pastor at church comes up to me after the service and asks me if I'd be willing to talk about my Rwanda trip the following Sunday in place of her sermon. "No problem" I told her. Then she asks me if I'd talk at the 8:00 service as well as the 11:00. "uhhh, sure"

The only issue was that I knew I'd be out at the farm Saturday night and sometimes that means very fun, but late evening. That's OK. I totally blew off/slept through church the weekend of my birthday, so this would make up for it.

Pictures are no problem. I just stuck some of the better ones into a folder on my laptop and flipped through them using the church's projector. But what to say? I did my best and came up with an outline about what the experience really meant to me given what I had experienced. Essentially I had three messages for the congregation.

One: Be incredibly thankful for everything in your life now, especially as Americans.
Two: Do more to help around the world. It takes so very little to change people's lives.
Three: Have faith that even in the darkest times God is still with you.

It went over pretty well. I even stuck in a joke at the beginning like a good public speaker. I actually came across a couple good ones when I was trying to find something so I figured I'd deposit them here just for your amusement.


Bloopers in the Church Bulletin

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
4. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
15. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
16. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
17. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
18. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
19. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
20. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
21. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
22. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
23. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
24. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
25. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
26. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
27. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
28. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
29. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of pastor Jack's sermons.
30. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
31. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
32. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
33. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
34. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
35. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
36. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
37. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
38. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
39. The 1991 Spring Council retreat will be hell May 10 & 11.
40. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
41. Please join us as we support Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
42. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
43. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
44. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
45. Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
46. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
47. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
48. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
49. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
50. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
51. Wednesday the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
52. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
53. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
54. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
55. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
56. Ushers will eat latecomers.
57. The third verse of "Blessed Assurance" will be sung without musical accomplishment.
58. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
59. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
60. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
61. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
62. In the church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD! Dr. Hargreaves is better.