Homer Simpson and Gerald Ford

So it seems that Gerald Ford, the “accidental president”, who you all know passed away this week, did NOT in fact agree with George Bush’s Iraq policy. The story was on the front page of the Washington Post website yesterday.  So when a former president dies this is the first thing we wonder about?  Poor Gerald.  Of course I’m too young to remember him as President, but I will never forget that Simpsons episode where he moved in next door and then asked Homer:

 

“Do you like beer?”   (Of course Homer says yes to all of these questions.)

“Do you like nachos?”

“Do you like to watch football?”

 

He might not have asked Homer about liking beer, but that’s how the episode goes in my brain.  So not knowing much then about President Ford except some of the obvious facts I began to form an impression that I really liked this former commander in chief.  After all, if Homer likes him, I can like him too.

 

But back to my main point.  Have we come to the point where the first thing we wonder about when celebrities die is what they think (I guess thought) about Bush’s Iraq policy?  If that’s the way we’re going I suggest asking some other people whose viewpoint is equally meaningless but would be much more entertaining to read.

 

James Brown – He just died, yet I have no idea what he thought of Bush’s Iraq policy.  Even if he did agree with it the story would be fun to read.

 

Miss Nevada – We know you like to get drunk and make out with girls in bars, but if Bush’s Iraq policy were a hot chick would you make out with her too?

 

Bush’s 2 daughters – They’re kept pretty well hidden from the media.  Probably because when they do open their mouths they sound an awful like their father.

 

Homer Simpson – Just go ahead and make him the new Secretary of Defense and watch the hilarity ensue and Bush’s approval ratinga go up….and then down….way down.

 

Well, you get the point.  Have a great weekend.

 

 

How To Peel A Potatoe In 10 Seconds

Reminds me of that How to fold a T shirt video that was going around a couple months ago. Enjoy!

What's a Gene Worth?

I’m a frequent reader of Scott Adams’ blog. He’s the Dilbert creator in case you didn’t know. My only issue with him is that he’s an agnostic, but his humor and satire are really funny. I guess I’ll overlook his eternal mistakes for the hilarity of the here and now.

Anyway, today’s post poses a question of whether or not you would sell your DNA for $100 million. So my quirky analytical brain wonders, “How much would that be per gene?” I went to the government’s Human Genome Project website to see how many genes there are. My first surprise is that they don’t really know. Here I thought the Human Genome Project was completed and so that must mean they know something. Evidently they think there are 30,000 to 40,000 genes. Seems low to me, but then again, I’m not a geneticist.

So if we are conservative and assume there are 30,000 genes then that would yield us about $3,333 per gene. That seems low to me as well. If you think about it, many of our diseases are caused by “bad” genes. So a quick fix to save your life would cost about as much as a old used car in this case.

I would tell Scott’s supermodel to bump it up to $10,000/gene and sell for $300 million. That seems more like a fair trade. I just can’t imagine that my old Toyota is worth as much as a life saving gene.

How People Fish in West Virginia

Guys shooting fish with a bow and arrow.

101 Amazing Facts of Earth

For the science geek in you. Here's just the first 5 facts.

1. What is the hottest place on Earth?
	Count one wrong if you guessed Death Valley in California . True enough on many days. But El Azizia in Libya recorded a temperature of 136 degrees Fahrenheit (57.8 Celsius) on Sept. 13, 1922 -- the hottest ever measured. In Death Valley , it got up to 134 Fahrenheit on July 10, 1913 .
2. And the coldest place around here?
	Far and away, the coldest temperature ever measured on Earth was -129 Fahrenheit (-89 Celsius) at Vostok, Antarctica , on July 21, 1983 .
3. What makes thunder?
	If you thought, "Lightning!" then hats off to you. But I had a more illuminating answer in mind. The air around a lightning bolt is superheated to about five times the temperature of the Sun . This sudden heating causes the air to expand faster than the speed of sound, which compresses the air and forms a shock wave; we hear it as thunder.
4. Can rocks float?
	In a volcanic eruption, the violent separation of gas from lava produces a "frothy" rock called pumice, lo aded with gas bubbles. Some of it can float, geologists say. I've never seen this happen, and I'm thankful for that.
5. Can rocks grow?
	Yes, but observing the process is less interesting than watching paint dry. Rocks called iron-manganese crusts grow on mountains under the sea. The crusts precipitate material slowly from seawater, growing about 1 millimeter every million years. Your fingernails grow about the same amount every two weeks. You can see the rest of the list here.

Mr.Bean Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Where Is Santa?

Curious about when Santa will make it to your house? Norad is tracking him. You can see for yourself here. Merry Christmas!

Want To Impress Your Friends?

Now you too can rip a large book of public contact information in half. Oh man, are they going to be impressed!

See instructional video here.

Is it Wikipedia?

I had a dream last night that there were some funny Wikipedia entries that I was suppose to find. I didn't find them. But I did find this:

Fart

but then I had a hard time finding other funny things untill I came across the Uncyclopedia!
It's basically a spoof of Wikipedia. Very funny.

I'll just post a sample here of their article of the day. Fitting for Christmas don't you think?

Hey, kids, wanna hear something cool?! Listen up, 'cuz we is gonna talk about the coolest guy that ever lived...Jesus!

I'll bet you think the Bible is boring, right? Wrong! The Bible is the coolest Book ever written, and I can prove it! Did you know that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles helped save Noah's Ark during the Flood?! Or that Jesus rode a velociraptor into Jerusalem!? Or that robots from the future tried to stop David from defeating Goliath!? Well, it's all right here, in the New Cooler Edition of the Holy Bible!

Cast of Characters

• Jesus- The Master, so tough he's a pacifist. Stand back guys, he's dangerous--ly pacifistic!
• God (Yah-weh-oh!) - Imagine a giant, wise, old Ninja master...from the future. Now imagine him in Space with an army of elite Flaming Sword warriors. Now imagine someone kicking that guy's ass. That's God.
• Apostles- There's twelve of these guys, twelve of the most high-flying, action packed Jews you never want to meet, in this life.
• Mary- Mary! Mary! Why ya' Buggin? Your kid is Jesus!
• Satan-os- Stand back guys, we've got a trouble maker on our hands. Responsible for the deaths of superheros, Satan-os is a powerful Zillack warlord with an axe to grind. An axe of fury.

Go read the article to see the entire new cooler edition of the bible. It's been shortened a bit. While it may take you a year to read the older uncooler versions you should be able to get through this one in a few minutes.

Merry Christmas,
Cyrus

Tired Of The Same 'Ol Christmas Music?

Check out XM channel 107. Pretty funny christmas music. Don't have XM? I think you can listen on their website: www.xmradio.com

Been listening to it all day in the background while I'm installing a new bathroom at home.

Huge Russian Nuclear Submarine

This thing is scary big. It probably even has it's own Vodka distillery.

Use Gmail?

I thought my gmail account was working just fine. (It's cyrus.uible@gmail.com in case you want to invite me over to your house for beer, football and nachos) Evidently it can be improved 55 different ways. Unfortunately none of the tweaks will do your laundry or take out the trash, but it may help you in other ways. I think one of the tweaks will even show you how you can get you gmail account to go to work for you so you can stay home and blog.

55 Gmail Tips

Imagining The 10th Dimention

This is pretty cool. Do you believe we live in a world with infinite possibilities? That's only the 5th Dimention. There's a lot more than you realize. Check out this video.

This Job Stinks...

Ever seen that show about the world's dirtiest jobs? This should be the next episode.

Plane + Dog + 0 gravity

I think commercial airlines should have a zero gravity part for every flight. I you don't want to take part, just put on your seatbelt. It would sure make some of those long flights more interesting...



read more | digg story

The Best Cookie Recipe Ever

A good cookie recipe I got today from my cousin. I heard they go great with Egg Nog!

1 cup of water
2 teaspoons of salt
1 bag of dried fruit
2 cups of sugar
1 cup of flour
A dhas of this and and dash of that
1 bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check the quality

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup and drink

Turn on the electric mixer-beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point its best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK; try another cup- just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it lloose with a drewscriber. Sample of the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, shift two cups of salt or something. Who giveshz a sheet?

Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift a lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink- whatever you can find.

Greash the over.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Dont forget to beat off the turner.

Finally throw the bowl out, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas!!

Note of Caution. Be careful not to eat too many of these cookies or you could end up like this guy.

...some stars and planets in scale

from mercury to vv cephei. Pretty neat.

How To Make Your Own Taco Bell Meat!

Don't worry. No E-coli in this recipe. Taken from this article.

If you don't think that packet of "Taco Bell" spices you buy in the grocery stores makes meat that tastes like the stuff they use at the giant Mexican food chain, you'd be correct. If you want to clone it right you're going to have to whip up the taco meat from scratch using this original TSR recipe. Once you've prepped your meat, these steps will help you build your tacos the Taco Bell way, without any pesky talking Chihuahuas running through the kitchen. Check out the streaming video, and Todd will show you how it's done while you follow along with the recipe. Now all you need is some hot sauce to top 'em off, right? Be here next week to clone Taco Bell's tastiest (and hottest) hot sauce.

1 pound lean ground beef
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dried minced onion
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
dash garlic powder
1/2 cup water
12 taco shells
2 cups shredded lettuce
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese


1. In a medium bowl, combine the ground beef with the flour, chili powder, salt, minced onion, paprika, onion powder, and garlic powder. Use your hands to thoroughly mix the ingredients into the ground beef.
2. Add the seasoned beef mixture to the water in a skillet over medium heat. Mix well with a wooden spoon or spatula, and break up the meat as it cooks. Heat for 5 to 6 minutes, or until browned. The finished product should be very smooth, somewhat pasty, with no large chunks of beef remaining.
3. Heat up the taco shells in a 375 degree oven for about 5 minutes.
4. Build each taco by spooning 2 to 3 tablespoons of the meat into a warm shell. Spread some of the shredded lettuce over the meat and then sprinkle some cheese over the top. Repeat with the remaining ingredients and serve immediately.
Makes 12 tacos.

Nice Guitar Music

Listened to this guy on youtube today. Good stuff. www.candyrat.com is the label.

Save Our Environment With Fat Cats

We all know how precious and fragile our environment is. Rain forests are disappearing, the water tables are dropping, animals keep extincting and prime time televisioin keeps getting crappier and crappier. I'm also worried about the hurricane producing factories like on the cover of Al Gore's movie. Who would build a factory like that? I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if Lex Luthor or some other criminal mastermind is behind it.

I do think there are good ideas out there, however, that over time just might make a difference. Running your car on french fry oil for instance. Pretty soon even political moderates will be converting their toyota camrys to run on the bio diesel hybrid stuff and not just liberal hippies in the north east.

I've also read about homes that have "green" roofs or stuff growing all over you roof. You basically live in something straight out of Lord of The Rings. I wonder if you still have to clean the gutters? And weeding out your roof may be a little tricky. I guess it helps the environment in some way. They even make them for your dog!

So last night as I pondering ways that I could do my part to help save the earth, I noticed my huge fat cat as he was lazily sleeping in my living room and the thought occurred to me. My cat must radiate tons of energy in the form of heat from all that body mass. Usually it's all lost into the sofa, the corner of my bed, or on occasion a lap. He's basically a big hot water bag that never needs to be reheated but is barely used. So....put my cat into a rubber bag that will distribute the energy more efficiently and then turn down the furnace and save all that oil. At night you just set the cat bag down near some food for a while and give the cat a chance to visit the litter box. You might be able to save 5% on your heating bill! Here's a sketch of what a prototype may look like.

Speaking of which it's starting to get cold in here....where's that cat of mine?...

Egg Nog

Christmas time is here. How can you tell? Ok, so you could look at a calendar, go to any retail store, listen to the radio, watch tv, feel the weather outside, look at the position of the stars or ask a neighbor....but if you didn't have any of these options, how could you tell I ask you?

The Egg Nog shelf at the grocery store!

I happen to like the stuff, especially if it's real egg nog (with whiskey). But what exactly is nog and why is it so good? What I found out is rather interesting. See the article link below.

My favorite quote:

"Our first President, George Washington, was quite a fan of eggnog and devised his own recipe that included rye whiskey, rum and sherry. It was reputed to be a stiff drink that only the most courageous were willing to try."

Such courage our forefathers had. Makes me proud to be an American. So remember, this holiday season, the more spiked your egg nog is, the more like George Washington you are.

You can read the article here.

Bumper Stickers

You know, my car has looked exactly the same for a couple years now. Maybe it's time to spruce it up a little. Here are some possibilities I found on the internets.

Assisted Living

Part of the reason for our latest business trip was to meet up with some friends with whom we invest in various real estate projects. One of the ideas we have for the upcoming year is to either buy or build an assisted living facility.

Which got me thinking. Who wouldn't want to live in some place called assisted living? I could certainly use some assistance. Like help with cleaning up my office...or keeping my clothes put away...or even some assistance with keeping the yard looking nice.

Why is it that "assisted living" is only for senior citizens? Maybe you could just give it another name like "life..with help" Sounds good to me. Better get your order in fast before all these baby boomers take up all the available assistance.

Air Fares, Long Flights and First Class Treatment

Just got back to BWI airport. Been flying for about 10 hours with another 5 hours lost to time zone changes. Now I'm hanging out at the observation deck in the terminal here for a couple hours till Liz gets here. If you've never been here, this deck is actually really nice. Lot's of comfy chairs and not too many people. Originally I was going to fly back on Wednesday but the location of our business meeting was in a particularly warm state. I decided to stay till Saturday and come back with Liz. The only problem was that the airline wanted about $1,000 to come back on her flight. If I left a couple hours earlier it would only cost $100.

Now it is clear. The BCS rankings, your tax bill, the lottery and the price of your airfare are all calculated using a big container full of little white balls that fly around at random and then your particular ranking, bill, prize or fare price is sucked out randomly and read to you by a friendly customer service representative. Sure, they could just blindly grab a ball out of the container but by making them all jump around like Mr. Wizard teaching tool showing how atoms and electrons behave adds to the dramatic value. Remember the magic 8 ball? What about a magic lottery machine that has answers to common every day questions like "Have you seen my car keys?" "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" "When is your dad coming to visit again." I don't know honey, check the magic bouncing ping pong ball machine. I think it could be a hit especially if you shortened the name.

So the first leg of my trip was packed. Not a single seat open. I get back to my seat and who am I sitting next to? A big 6' 5'' guy. Not a problem usually, but I'm 6' 6''. But the guy was pretty funny. About 5 minutes into the flight the old lady in front of me tries to put her seat back and of course it runs straight into my knees. The guy sitting next to me pipes up and says, "sorry ma'am, you've got 2 big guys back here and your seat isn't going anywhere." She just gave us a grumpy old lady kind of look, but she didn't try to put her seat back anymore.

Also, have you ever noticed how they rub in the first class treatment? I got nothing against flying first class. In fact I plan on doing it more often in the future. But towards the end of the 7 hour flight when the lady gets on the mike and asks everyone to return their trays to the upright position she adds.."and would first class passengers also please fold away their foot rests." Foot rests? I lost circulation below my knees hours ago and they have foot rests? What's next? "We would like to ask our first class passengers to please stop using the massaging machines, postpone all manicures and pedicures and return to their all leather reclining lazy boy seats.......and the rest of you put your trays up."

Yeah well I still saved $900.

Out of town...

Our regualary scheduled problem has been interupted by a trip out of town. Programming will continue in a few days (like 5 or 6).

Blogging at the Airport and 900 Numbers

It's 7:19am here and we're waiting on our flight on our way to a business conference. Lot's of opportunities to use the new Sprint aircard. Better than paying $12.99 for the first minute and only $4.99 for each additional minute on the Airports Wi-Fi system.

Wait a second....really high prices for only a few minutes of access....sounds an awful lot like those old 1-900-PRE-TEND-YOU-HAVE-A-GIRLFRIEND phone numbers....except with less digits probably. I wonder what ever happened to those things? Probably replaced by the internet.

But it does make me wonder. While I don't want to pay such rediculous fees I would like to make such fees. Here's an example:

If you had 60 calls per day that averaged 10 minutes per call you could make $219,600 per year!

Not bad. This comes from 900profits.com Maybe I could lead the charge for a big comeback of the 900 number business. Not really interested in setting up an "adult" line, but perhaps I could do a 1-900-WEALTH-TIPS? And talk for 10 minutes about you should set up your own 900 number which you can buy from me. Hmmmm...