If you must have a disease....

I don't really watch a lot of television. Partly because I don't have cable and my one TV only gets about 3 channels on the rabbit ears. There's no remote and the color is really starting to fade. I'll probably soon be the only person within a 100 miles who has a black and white TV.

But when I'm out of town and traveling that's a different story. One of my favorite things to do while staying in hotels is to watch cable. I figure about once a month I get to kick back and just flip through the channels and realize that I'm not really missing all that much.

So recently I saw this commercial by a pharmaceutical company that makes a treatment for a disease. But not just any disease. This disease can make it difficult to sleep at night, can cause confusion or disorientation during the day, and it is a genetic neurological disorder. On top of all that up to 10% of the US population has it and they don't even know it! This scary disease is Restless Legs Syndrome. Did I just say "scary". I meant "scary hilarious!"

I'm going to do a favor for my loyal readers and go through the questionnaire I got from the Restless Legs Syndrome Foundation so we can all see if I qualify to be in that lucky 10%.

• When you sit or lie down, do you have a strong desire to move your legs? - Yes, especially if my legs are uncomfortable. I'm a tall guy at 6'6'' and so especially if sitting on the floor I get the desire to move my legs.

• Does your desire to move your legs feel impossible to resist? Yes, especially if I'm at a wedding and there's good music on the dance floor.

• Have you ever used the words unpleasant, creepycrawly, creeping, itching, pulling, or tugging to describe your symptoms to others? No, not generally.

• Does your desire to move often occur when you are resting or sitting still? Yes, sometimes, but isn't that the same question as number 1?

• Does moving your legs make you feel better? Yes, usually, especially if they are uncomfortable.

• Do you complain of these symptoms more at night? No, I really don't like complaining. In fact, I don't really like other people complaining either.

• Do you keep your bed partner awake with the jerking movements of your legs? No, not really, but the term "bed partner" is kind of funny. Can you imagine, "No we're not married, we're just 'bed partners' "

• Do your ever have involuntary leg movements while you are awake? No, my leg movements are always voluntary.

• Are you tired or unable to concentrate during the day? Yes, at the end of the day I am often tired and if there is a lot of noise or my niece is whining a lot I can find it difficult to concentrate.

• Do any of your family members have similar complaints? Not Applicable - I already mentioned that I don't like hearing others complain, so if my family starts to complain about something I just kind of tune it out.

• Does a trip to the doctor only reveal that nothing is wrong and there is no physical cause for your discomfort? Not Applicable - I haven't made a trip to the doctor about my leg movement.

So that's it. The questionnaire says that if a majority of my answers are YES then I may have RLS. I counted 5 yes's out of 11 questions. Phew, I guess I just barely made it. Anyway, I would recommend that my readers take this questionnaire just to be sure.

And if you actually have RLS and you find this post offensive then I am sorry for offending you and I wish you all the best in your leg movements.